Twilight: Khaos and Maddness
by Khaos-is-my-middle-name
Summary: This is what would happen if my friends and I were sucked into Eclipse. Chaos, madness, and all-out insanity will definatly be found in this fic! But, the again, It is Lilly, Erica, and I, craziness is generally expected!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, lovely Fanfiction people! It is Khaos again, with yet another random story! I got the idea for this the other day and thought it would be funny for my friends Lilly Tagloft and EricaCrowe. This is just a random story and I probably won't take it very far, but I thought it was a funny idea, so I'm writing it down. You can read and review on your own whim, though if you think this is funny (or just want to tell me I'm crazy XD) then go ahead and review, I might actually post a lot of chapters if you people want to read about me and my friends insulting the Twilight characters and screaming out all of our seemingly random inside jokes...I don't care! :)**

**Disclaimer: I pwn Twilight.**

**Edward: You don't own Twilight! :(**

**Me: I said I PWN. POWN! Burned, dissed, served, whatever you want to call it! You're not going to know what to do when my friends and I barge in and make your life more annoying and crappy than it already is! TAKE THAT, YOU OVER-PROTECTIVE STALKER!**

**Edward: Wait! I thought Lilly and Erica were the ones who hated me!**

**Me: Yeah well, I can't decide whether I hate you or not. There's still hope for you.**

**Edward: Really?**

**Me: Eh... sorta.**

**Edward: *Anguish***

**Lol.**

_Khaos POV!_

"Hi Lilly," I say cheerfully, opening the door for my tall friend.

"What is up?" she asks, stepping through the doorway with her huge bag of Fanfiction notebooks slung over her shoulder.

"The sky," I reply. This is our normal exchange for whenever we see each other. You'd think she would stop asking me "What's up?" after a while.

"DAISY!" she screamed, running over to my chubby, adorable beagle. She patted Daisy's head enthusiastically.

I walk into my kitchen and grab a pack of mint Oreos, a water bottle, and a bottle of lemon juice. I bring Lilly her usual snack and plop down on the couch next to her.

I know, Lilly's weird, but she's also the most sane out of all my friends. Sad, right? I don't think so... on second thought, I actually kind of do.

"So, are we walking over to Erica's, or she coming here?" I ask Lilly, knowing full well that they'll want to stay over at my house. My pantry is loaded with amazing snacks, and both Lilly and Erica think my mom- whom we call Hobbit- is awesome. I had basically just asked a stupid question.

"She said she would be over here in, like, thirty seconds, when I texted her." Lilly replied, eating the mint cream out of an Oreo.

"Great! When did you text her?"

The doorbell rang, and I could also hear Erica's tiny fists drumming the rhythm to "Headstrong" against my front door.

"Thirty seconds ago." Lilly smirked, following me to the door.

We opened the door and Erica came bounding in, yelling in excitement about how we convinced our parents to let us have a sleepover at one of our houses. My house. Yay, they're going to eat all my food...not.

"Hey guys! Tonight is going to be the best sleep- over ever!"

"Why do you say that? Is "You-Know-Who" coming by to give Lilly some kind of gift?" I asked sarcastically, internally cursing Lilly for being able to date her ex-boyfriend's best friend and get away with it. All the good crap happens to her, I mean, what middle schooler/freshman can date two seniors in one year? It's crazy I tell you.

Lilly grinned in my direction, however, which only made me laugh. She had Oreos in her teeth, typical Lilly.

Lilly frowned then, and gave me a wide eyed, crazy look. I decided not to get on her bad side after she had just gotten back from a two hour soccer practice. Unlike a Miss Isabella Swan, I do have a sense of self preservation.

Bella. That reminded me. The reason why we were even having this sleep over was to continue a debate on the characters of Twilight. Lilly and Erica were very passionate followers of Team Jacob, while I on the other hand, am Team Cullen. That's right, I said Cullen. I have this love/ hate relationship with Edward, so I'm always sort of on his team...and then not...at the same time...I'm very odd, you know.

"So..." I said, turning to Erica, "What was it that you said about Carlisle earlier?"

Erica immediately wiped the grin off her face and backed hurriedly away from me. As the "Sometimes Goth" friend of the group, I was considered the violent one as well, which wasn't true! I was only ever violent to these guys, and normally it was only when they insulted the best character in Twilight! I mean, as a writer, I would want all my characters to be shown respect, so why can't they respect Carlisle...then again I make fun of almost every other Twilight character, besides Carlisle, Jasper, and Alice...so...I'm a hypocrite now.

Erica composed herself, "You know that if you fight me, I'll just kick your ass!"

Sadly, the person half my size took Karate, and she can kick my ass. Pathetic, right?

"That may be true." I said deviously, pausing just for a second and grabbing something from behind the couch, "BUT I AM THE ONE WITH THE WOODEN SWORD!"

I swung the four foot, wooden sword a foot over Erica's head, not really intending to hurt her with it. She screamed bloody murder and dove to the right. I continued to swing the sword around, acting like a maniac. I barely heard Lilly scoff at my Twilight obsession as she rooted through all four books, the first three DVD's, and printed copies of my fanfictions. She picked up Eclipse and began flipping through the first few chapters.

"Alright, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Erica yelled, cowering by the fireplace.

"That's what I thought!" I screamed back, laughing like the mad women I was.

"Jesus Christ!" Lilly screeched from behind us.

A bit offended by her remark, **(AN/I'm not being religiously prejudice, I'm sorry for offending anyone!) **I turned around to see what was wrong.

Lo and behold, when I turned around, I saw a very startled Lilly holding my Eclipse book, which was _glowing._

"What the hell?" Erica and I said in unison, inching towards the book to get a better look.

"I don't know! I flipped to a random page and it started glowing!" Lilly cried out, obviously freaked.

"Maybe it's-"

Before I could finish my sentence, the book's creepy glow turned into an all out blinding light. All three of us screamed as we felt ourselves being lifted off our feet, and flying through the air.

***************************************************(%%%%%%)****************************************************

I opened my eyes a few seconds later.

"Holy crap, where are we?"

Instead of seeing my living room furniture, when I opened my eyes, I saw a huge, multi-leveled building in front of me. It looked like some sort of hospital, or mental institution, or something.

"Oh my god, they took us to the Funny Farm!" Erica screamed, hiding behind Lilly.

"No, look!" Lilly pointed to a sign in front of the building, it read;

**Forks**** General Hospital**

**Main Entrance**

"How the bloody hale did we get in Forks?" Erica asked, before it dawned on her what had just happened. "You don't think the book-?"

"Yes." I cut her off, my voice caught in sheer terror and disbelief. I pointed to one of the parking spaces a few feet away, "I think we got sucked into the book."

Lilly looked at me skeptically, before turning to look at what I was staring at.

Not ten feet away from us was a sleek black Mercedes, and parked right next to it was the famous silver Volvo.

"Oh. Crap!"

**LOL I know, weird place to end, but oh well! If you want to read, then read, If you want to review, then review, if you want to "hit and run", then "hit and run". The choice is yours my friends!**

**~Khaos**


	2. Chapter 2

Hi, everyone! It is I, Khaos! I know I haven't updated The Spark or anything else, but I got the idea for the second chapter of this and had to write it. I'll let you all know that by this weekend I will have updated all three stories on here and the story on my fictionpress account, so I have a very busy weekend, and it's all for you! (actually it isn't, it's for me, and my friend who will hurt me if I neglect to write, lol!) Any-hoo, onward to the wonderfulness that is my psycho story!

Disclaimer: (Erica, Lilly and I) We pown twilight!

Edward: Oh crap.

Lilly: That's right, Eddie-boy, be afraid! Team Jacob!

Erica: Team Jacob!

Me: _**PARINO **_JACOB!

Edward: What the hell was that?

All three of us: *Burst out laughing and die*

I choke out: Don-*gasp*-own-*gasp**laugh*-Twil-*laugh, gasp, scream* -light! *dies laughing*

Edward: *Calls Alice* Hey, can you tell me how to get to the asylum you were at before you were changed? I've got a little issue here...

Khaos POV!

"Oh. Crap!"

"That isn't-"

"It is-!"

"Then we must be in Forks!"

"NO DIP, ERICA!"

All three of us were now freaking out, and I mean, crying, hyperventilating, jumping up and down, the whole shabang. We were in a Twilight book!

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that you are a crazy fan-girl, and would kill to be in our places. Well, let's just say that this had been a dream of mine for two years-interacting with the Twilight vampires!- But now that I was actually here, I was terrified! I mean, how in the name of all that is decent are we going to get back home?

"Okay, let's not panic." Lilly advised, clearly panicking herself, "We'll just go inside, ask for-" she gulped, "Ask for Carlisle, and be on our merry way to LaPush, or wherever!"

"That's an okay idea, but-"

"IT MOST CERTAINTLY IS NOT!"

Both Lilly and Erica looked at me like I'd gone mad. There wasn't a snowball's chance in you-know-where that they were getting me inside that hospital.

"What's wrong?" Lilly asked, a frown on her face.

"We're not going in there!" I said, pointing at the hospital building like it was cursed, "I hate hospitals! If you guys are really my friends, you won't make me go in there!"

"Oh my gosh, Khaos! You're not actually serious, are you?" Lilly asked, skeptical, and a little pissed this time.

I glared at her in a manner that would convey my dead seriousness. She rolled her eyes and looked me up and down, from head to toe. She then turned to Erica.

"Help me drag her."

In a flash, Erica had knocked my feet out from under me with her Ninja Karate moves, and Lilly had grabbed me by the ankles and had started dragging me towards the entrance of the "Palace of Doom".

"NO! LET ME GO! LET ME GO YOU LITTLE BRATS! DON'T MAKE ME GO!" I screamed like a banshee, kicking and struggling against the star soccer players grip on my ankles. There was no way I was going into a place filled with the things from my nightmares. I hated needles, shots, anything of the like and there was no way they were getting me in the place where all of those wretched things were found!

"What in the world is going on?"

All three of us looked up in shock. Standing before us were the owners of the two expensive cars, the vampire stars of the entire saga. Carlisle and Edward Cullen were both staring at us like we were the craziest bunch of teenagers that had ever walked the face of the earth. I didn't mind.

I don't care what you say about Edward, seeing him and Carlisle was the happiest moment of the century. That meant I didn't have to go into the fricken' hospital!

"Uhhhh..." Lilly and Erica were at a loss for words. So was I, but unlike them, I was grinning like a deranged idiot.

"Hiya!" Erica blurted out awkwardly, only making the situation SO MUCH BETTER...I mean really...I blame her fricken' idiot cartoons. Happy Tree Friends has rotted her mind.

We just stared at each other for around a minute before Edward spoke up.

"Well, out of all the things that could be said at this point," He paused, staring at me in a manner that creeped me out a little, "I have to ask, what's with the wooden sword?"

I looked to my right, my sword was laying a foot away from me on the wet pavement. I grasped the handle of it tightly in my right hand.

"I actually forgot I had that with me. If I'd have remembered a minute ago, I would have-"

I cut off and as quick and as hard as I could, I smacked the sword onto Lilly's hands, which were still constricting the blood flow to my toes. She screamed in agony and shock, and as she was cursing me to the fiery pits of H-E- double hockey sticks, I spun around toward the Volvo and made a mad dash to the only hiding spot available.

"Take that, Lilly!" I screamed, adding on a bit of maniacal laughter at the end.

"Alright, what is going on?" Carlisle asked, really confused at this point.

We all looked at each other, at a loss for what to say. We were all just hoping that Edward would read our minds all ready and the explanation would be out there and done with. However, before anyone, including Edward, could say anything, Erica whispered in the most psychotic voice;

"I know you sparkle!"

Well, shit. Erica had put us on the path of no return in the sanity department, but of course, the moron decided to add just a bit more.

My short, crazy little pest of a best friend, stared at Edward in an extremely flirtatious way, batting her eyelashes to add to her "cute" effect, before adding the words that would be the last nails in our coffin as far as the Cullens and Volturi were concerned.

"Edward, I want to sparkle too!".

I stared at Erica from behind the Volvo. I was just about ready to beat her to death with that stupid sword, and I could tell that Lilly was thinking the exact same thing.

Edward and Carlisle, on the other hand, were taken aback in shock. They stared at us like we were the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. If such a thing were possible, I would have said that they had gotten paler. But, being the vampires that they were, I guess they never changed.

Edward snapped his head in my direction, I was still standing behind his precious Volvo, sword at the ready. He looked like he was about to pass out or something, he was that freaked.

"HOW DO YOU PEOPLE KNOW EVERYTHING?"

Lilly and I looked at each other at a loss for words. Erica had gotten us into a very sticky situation. There was no way we were going to make this situation any better.

Then an idea occurred to me. We were in a _book_, for crying out loud! If we couldn't make the situation any better, than why not have some fun and make it worse.

I focused my mind on everything I knew about Bella from the series. Her first day at Forks, the famous Biology lesson, Edward leaving her, her fateful cliff dive, and most importantly, her thoughts. I flooded my mind with information from the first two books in the series, and watched as Edward's face turned into a mask of pure horror.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT BELLA?"

I gave a very distraught Edward an evil look.

" We've kidnapped Bella, and forced her to tell us everything! She is our prisoner!" I screamed, hoping beyond hope that Edward was too love drunk to see passed my very obvious lie.

The blood-sucker bought it. I could see it in his eyes as his muscles constricted in stress and fury. He was Play-Doe in my hands. All I had to do was get him not to kill us. He looked as though he was ready to pounce.

I noticed Lilly looked the same way. I had pulled an Erica, and there was no way out of this mess now, and she knew it. So she joined in.

"The only way to get Bella back unharmed, is for you to bring us to your house, where...-" She paused, scrambling for an answer-"Where the rest of our, uh, group is waiting for us to make the hostage trade."

"otherwise," Erica stupidly added in, doing a crappy impersonation of the Governor of California, "Bella will be terminated!"

Edward believed every word that came out of our mouths, and wouldn't listen to any reason that came from Carlisle. His cold, dead heart was set on "saving" his true love.

And just like that, we got ourselves a ride out of there.

Khaos: Okay, so Erica is actually sitting next to me, (so she helped with this, like with the sparkle stuff; that was her idea XD) Anyway, we are dying laughing right now, and we can't wait to see what you guys think of our insanity. So if you review, make sure to put in a word of praise or whatever for EricaCrowe as well.

Erica: :D I have not even written my first fanfic on here yet soo, this is my first official notation on here, soo all I have to say for my psychotic self is I HAVE A FEATHER! AND IM NOT AFRAID TO UUUSSSEEEE IIITTT! :P

Khaos: She reminds me of Alice, short, funny, and belongs in the Asylum. ;D

Erica: WAAIIITTTT I FORGOT TO ASK BOUT MY HERO SETH! D: THAT MEANS WE HAVE TO WRITE MORE IM TOO LLAAZZZYYY! *faints*

Khaos: Er...we'll write more when she wakes up, *mutters under breath* and when her medication kicks in!


End file.
